Proudest Day of Med School

Awhile ago during CFM week, we were learning to do Neuro exams on each other with our supervisor, Dr. Fine. It was at this time that I received some unexpected praise far exceeding anything I have had so far in Med School, or may have yet. Unfortunately, the praise was for something I literally have no control over: my reflexes. I guess it could be argued that a person has some control over muscle tone that might have an impact on the amount of response generated by a reflexive muscular contraction, but my muscle tone would not be considered fantastic, especially in comparison with my 23-year-old classmates'. I thought it was a joke the first time Dr. Fine praised my reflexes, but he continued to do it and to have others practice on me, and he seemed genuinely pleased and fascinated by it.


I still wasn't quite sure of how serious he was about it, as he is a rather subtle man, but later in the day, when we met again, he struck up a conversation with me about my "excellent reflexes," in which he asked me about dance and whether I missed it. I was a little taken aback that, still, he was talking about the reflexes. But for a moment, I felt like my old self again. People who know me outside of a "dance" setting have never related to me as those who know me in it. I don't know why. I took it for granted for a long time, as I had simply made it my place in the world. Then, I left it and felt somehow like a stranger again. Until the neuro exam, when I had a brief taste of what it is like to be that self.

A part of me was sad that the most positive response I've elicited from anyone about anything I've done at med school was a reflex, probably related to a former life. But I couldn't help feeling the positivity and basking in its warmth, like the presence of an old friend I loved but ignored during former days.

It was a bittersweet reunion.